Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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