So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
