his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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