Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
