Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
