some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I can feel your judgement through the phone
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
