It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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