I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
