I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
