the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
