if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Fuck appropriateness.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
