Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
