Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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