it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
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he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
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why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?