the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson