new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
