He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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