Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
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I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
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She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?