Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.