...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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