I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
