half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
