Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
