i need an iv and a liver transplant
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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