i barfeds in our rink
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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