Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
