i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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