My hand turned me down
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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