can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
