Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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