My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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