look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
