Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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