my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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