Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
