My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
