"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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