trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
