Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
