I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
