My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
