my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
