Your mouth is God's brothel.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
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I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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