u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
