how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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