and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
