Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
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just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
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You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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