Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
