i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
