We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
