My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
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Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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