I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i dont even know how to be here
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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