Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
this will be a night to untag.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
