Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
