I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Can I color on your dick again?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
