hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
50% drunk capacity currently
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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