i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
