That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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