who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
