put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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