I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
