well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
