There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
