Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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