I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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