There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
