I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
