I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We left the knife in your bed.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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