We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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