Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
