I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
