Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
