Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
