I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
