I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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