It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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