last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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