We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
