I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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