Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
