6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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